Confidence: you either have it or you don’t.

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—

With respect if perspective could
Apply a gracious sedative
To these sad sick scares,
Sins; fears; dreams,
A maelstrom of desires, destructions?
Never to know one from the other;
Too much lethargy to discover.
No fear to add self-crititive construction.

—

I lost my virginity around the time I stopped being feminist,
I stopped being feminist around the time I lost my virginity.
I still regret it.
It was the turning point from idealism to realism;
The realisation I could hate no one but couldn’t love everyone.
Only god can love everyone, but my deities are the archetypes of myself; the different faces to my ego.
I am a perfectionist to an unattainable goal.

—

You had to break down those barriers, it was painful, but as the others fall away you cry, and as the tears fall they become pregnant with their joy of existence. Your inspiration gives birth to the love of your self, unrequited, and with that others.

—

So much to say,
So many to hear, and to hear that I need it hearing.
Hypocrisy is rife,
Without it I couldn’t say a word.
Listen to no-one,
Especially not me.
Maybe others who don’t know they are wrong are correct within their ignorance.
So take that chance. And forget you read this.

If I’d known there was love like this, I’d have grabbed a fucking scalpel, I’d have slit my wrists, in the goddamn delivery room, Hell I’d've jumped back in the womb. Love be the shit that’s gonna steal my doom!

It feels wrong to start this blog back up again, like phoning up an ex-girlfriend; I’m a new person now.

Permafrost

It’s been a while…

Had a bad night, thought I’d invest in some writings and catharsis,

Why Was I Not Made Of Stone Like Thee?

Warning – Again, brutally ‘private’ (not really the right word because I’m posting it, some viewers may find offensive-esque) shizzle here, probably being posted because I’m hoping for some reassurance or answers I suppose. This warning is here for a reason because I know my other stuff is a lot different and some people might just be better off avoiding these ones.

Instant Update

Just thought I’d update on this morning’s (00:01 or around ) post.
Warning, Ordinarily Private Life Stuff coming up
Well, I was crashing at the house of one of the lesbians, I went down there with another friend but he got picked up straight away

Alcohol Syphon Cipher

(It’s easier than an embed)
Seriously, click this, I love it
Oh yeah, it’s the music that does it .

Just came back from an 18th party, danced with 5 single girls (and others :S) sadly two were lesbians and one was the host’s grandma (don’t ask) but I had lots of fun, and stayed sober (-ish) only allowing my self to buy one drink (and get two more bought for me)….But anyway, my 18th is on Feb 27th and I haven’t planned anything , really need to decide soon.
Anyway….

Now for the main reason for the post (read as one line):

God Doesn’t Take American Express No More.

I would love to write like this.
so emotive, so easy to connect to.

Beautiful, I’ve talked about this on my Youtube page (under Art).

I definitely believe in the power of ‘organic’ science. Not biology, but a more free-flowing, chaotic, fractal science. The biggest, newest discoveries aren’t being made in strict sciences (eg. specifically biology or chemistry), but in the overlapping areas.

Got So Good At Faking It, I’m Jealous Of My Reflection.

Just a collection of scribbles.

Laire? Asda set a loot ‘Let’? Oh drat, suck cat’s legs, gel stack custard, hotel too late, sad’s aerial.

It Doesn’t Matter If The Glass Is Half Full Or Empty, As Long As There’s Whisky In It

I’ve always found the best answer to the question is simply that the glass is simply too large to house the liquid inside…
Tune In, Get Down
I like 56 most so far….

“According to Reuters, Potsdam University in Germany is now teaching social skills as part of their IT courses. This is intended to ‘ease entry into the world of work’. The 440 students enrolled in the master’s degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection(s).”
There is nothing to say to this

I wrote this at only 18:30….weird.
Now I’m thirsty.

I’m categorizing this kind of thing as Cool Things, just a collection of things I’ve found. Comment, If Ye Dare (and like)

Listening to: Smooth , Bumpy and Rough

(This will be at the end of all following posts)

Topologically Equivallent to a Stifled Sigh

Maybe I am just morbid.
This is just so horrifically interesting, it feels so…queasy, goosebumpy…to say that the handbag (read it) makes me smile… not smile in a happy way, kind of like when people say:
“not funny-funny; odd funny”
It just fits within

(My)Humour – - Interest – - (not awkward) confusion…

Venn Diagram Time!
…
or not, at least until I can be bothered drawing one, and find better words and phrases for the elements…

by confusion I mean a kind of joy of the contradiction, not necessarily any kind of misunderstanding. I understand, but I found that while someone was analysing it, I found myself wanting to stop them, there was no point in understanding, it just made the whole thing cheap….
Maybe that was my own special way of honouring this unknown person after I’d effectively laughed at her death….. It seemed so natural at the start of writing….after analysing it I feel like a monster….

Okay, maybe I don’t feel like a monster, but I feel like I should feel like a monster….
(since when have I ever cared how I should feel?)

….there’s no valid end to this train of though…

CATERPILLARS!

big hungry ones, you know, they each like 4 plums for some reason….

I watched 2 films today:
Lara Croft, Remember the Titans… and some other programs I can’t remember…
Lara Croft was one of those films you know you shouldn’t like…
In a B-Movie you know that the director and whatnot realizes it’s shit at the end….whereas with Lara Croft they probably didn’t.

I was pleasantly surprised with Remember the Titans, I’d never heard of it, but it had lots of recognizable actors. It’s a story about the first mixed race University American football team (I think that’s the best word order), and I found it really good. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired (it’s now 4:59 am) but I thought they got emotional views etc. quite validly subtle enough to make the audience appreciative (couldn’t think of a better way to say that too), I always find movies that try to tackle such subjects as a whole to fail miserably (exception in terms of racism: Crash (new movie, not the Ballard one, it seems that the first thoughts of words of Movie-’Crash’:
younger adults=Crash(2004), older adults=Crash(Cronenberg), non-adults=”huh?”; and we continue…))
Anyway, basically I enjoyed the film, despite being completely unable to understand what made it different to other Hollywood (I dislike) films.

Conclusion,
Lara Croft: watch if on with pizza and beer
Remember the Titans: I dunno, watch if it’s on, but probably not go out of your way…
Crash: watch at some point in your life, definitely. That goes for them both.

I end with a: literal, satiric, introspective, social, religious, hedonistic, despairing, linguistic,— poem:

Yesterday, to someone I did say:
“Have a nice day!”
He replied: “Don’t you see?
It’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy”
I smiled, walked away.
Leaving thoughts for another day.

(if you find any other valid possible meanings, comment them I will add)